Sure Signs You Live in Mountainous Hicks

  1.  If you happen to lock the house and don’t have your key, there’s that window that’s never locked you can put one of the kids through.
  2. There is a school bus always visible from your front window.  One of your neighbors uses it for storage.
  3. You live in a suburb and own 18 acres.
  4. Patients shop at the farm store for their foot care supplies instead of the pharmacy. 
  5. Dressing up means a button- up shirt with your jeans and boots.
  6. Before doing any kind of office procedure, always ask, “Are you going camping or fishing this weekend?  Because you are going to have to take care of this with clean running water.”
  7. There is only one public building in town with an elevator- and it goes up one story.
  8. Your kids don’t know what an escalator is.
  9. It is normal to drive 2 hours to get to a national chain lumber store.
  10. It is acceptable Saturday night entertainment to drive 2 hours to the lumber store.
  11. If you break down, someone will stop- if you are actually in a place where people drive by.
  12. It is impossible to go to town without someone recognizing you.
  13. You are expected to go to town in your painting clothes if that’s what you are doing that day.
  14. Patients enjoy seeing the doctor’s kids in the office and hearing stories about them.
  15. “Gone fishing” is an acceptable reason to close the office.
  16. Everyone’s goal is to be healed before hunting season- even if they first arrive in the office the day before it starts. 
  17. They are going to go hunting whether they are healed or not.
  18. Having 3 satellite dishes mounted to the side of your house is not unusual.
  19. You put a cow bell on your dog’s collar and take a gun when going for a walk.
  20. Of course you don’t have cell phone coverage everywhere!  What do you expect?
  21. Picking off cactus with the pistol is entertainment at its best.
  22. Seeing someone else on the trail is something worth talking about.
  23. The GPS is used to get you back to shelter- not to find the nearest restaurant.
  24. What is a “mall”?
  25. People are more concerend with function rather than fashion.
  26. There is no Starbuck’s- and most people don’t care or even know how to pronounce their menu items.
  27. Driving your tractor 9 miles to town isn’t weird or unusual.
  28. Getting a chain saw for your birthday from your spouse is a complement.
  29. Parking spots in town are big enough for a pickup.
  30. When you go camping, you don’t pay and your nearest camping neighbor is more than 100 yards away from you.
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