Maybe it’s the weather, I don’t know.  There is a touch of crispness in the air with reduced temperatures and decreased humidity.  It feels like mountain air.  Maybe that’s it.  As I came up the hill and saw the manicured lawn off to the right, I decided I’d pull in.  I haven’t stopped there since spring, but something made me want to stop today.

I was in the car with the sunroof open and a happy summer song streaming through the speakers.  Should I drive through or stop?  I decided to stop.  Should I just sit there a minute or get out?  I decided to get out.  Should I leave the music on or turn it off?  I decided not only to leave it on but to turn the volume up and roll the windows down.  The music wouldn’t disturb anyone there.

I got out and walked that direction.  I could see the decorations from where I had parked.  They looked different than the ones that were there the last time I’d come.  His mom brings them out.  She finds it therapeutic to do that.  I don’t.

I leaned down and brushed the grass clippings off the etched letters and numbers and dash. The cross with his picture is still there but the image is fading.  He’s smiling.

I returned to my car and drove away.  I probably won’t go back again unless the kids ask to stop.  There’s nothing there but a slab of blue granite that glistens in the sun like the Wyoming skies.  He’s gone.

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  1. Holding On

     /  September 10, 2011

    Praying for you tonight.

  2. Karen Schroer

     /  October 7, 2011

    No words….just long distance hugs. ( )

  3. I’m sure you’ll be blessing many as you share the struggles of grief, it’s weird that my “greatest moments” in the last 9 months have been whilst totally exhausted and feeling utterly useless.

    It is such a release when you know that the striving can stop.

    My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”. 2 Cornithians 12:9

    I don’t think I ever understood that until recently, I’ve always wanted to hang on to my own strength, but that isn’t what’s needed.

    • Strange how we fight being helpless with tooth and nail. But it is when we realize our brokenness that He can heal us. A friend who currently has cancer recently said, “God’s greatest gifts must be unwrapped in the darkness.” So true.


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