The Unpublished Post (Non) Award

During these past two weeks of silence on my blog, I have been working feverishly toward earning the Unpublished Post (Non) Award. It is a little- known award of unparalleled importance granted to the person who was full of good ideas but for one reason or another never followed through with anything completely enough to actually push the “publish” button. The award, like the writers and writings deserving of this award, is lost in obscurity because it is also incomplete and unpublished. It is the highest honor (never) to be bestowed upon those who did(not) try. Based upon the high level of (non-)clicks on my blog and the overloaded (empty) email syndrome I have been experiencing, it is my belief I have won the award. Hurray! I feel totally (in)validated in my writing abilities with the great accomplishment (not) signified by this award.

Here are a few of the blog posts I (never) submitted and you (never) read that won me the great honor of receiving this highly (not) esteemed Unpublished Post (Non) Award:

1. Of Parables and Poppycock – A twisty, turvy rambling describing the brain game I go through trying to decide what constitutes a writing worthy of being placed in front of the public’s eyes. It didn’t cut the mustard.

2. The Things Lurking There– My amusement over the way my son cleans his room. Evidently he believes since no one ever looks under his bed, it is an entirely acceptable trash receptacle, over-flow closet space, and possibly even food storage area. It’s scary really.

3. Meetup Non-Date- The title seems absolutely fitting for publication with my (Non) Award. This post is an introduction to the world of Meetup and my non-date. A non-date is not the same as not having a date, but is actually a date who is willing to go out with me but has agreed not to date me. So, he is entirely a non-date. Quite an interesting concept.

4. Sticks and Stones– This post is not so funny. This is a story-form discussion of the long-term effects of verbal bashing and the endless path of forgiveness it requires. I would call it verbal abuse, but that seems too harsh. This will likely remain unpublished. But let me just say, if you, for whatever reason, any reason or no reason at all, have a habit of being verbally demeaning to someone- stop! You are hitting them in the face with your words. Don’t do it. If you are the one who has absorbed such blows, know you are not alone, protect yourself, and learn to forgive.

5. Don’t Sweat It– Written in the midst of utter frustration over the way Teenage Daughter handles the Wii remote. She seems to think she has a Y chromosome hidden in her genes somewhere and treats the Wii remote as a man with a TV controller. Groovin’ Mom wants to get in a good work out. Teenage Daughter comes along more interested in finding her favorite song on Just Dance than in breaking a sweat. After getting irritated and leaving the room because of the lack of sweat going on while Teenage Daughter flips through the songs, Groovin’ Mom finally accepts that the real reason for the activity is not to break a sweat. The real reason is to BE there, in the room, when Teenage Daughter has something she’d like to say.

6. Mama Can’t Dance– This is entirely related to the activity mentioned in the prior (non) published post. I don’t think I need to say more.

7. My Chill Pill– This has nothing to do with a consumable product, prescribed or otherwise, going in my mouth, nose or other orifice and has nothing to do with recreation. It’s something that is on my finger. And it has everything to do with men, marriage, and trust in God.

8. Field of Daisies– One girlfriend in particular seems to think my approach to life is entirely too serious. She has advised me to imagine dancing through a field of daisies, wild and free, and to carry on with that image forever in front of my mind’s eye. I have considered her suggestion, contemplated it in great detail, analyzed the points she has made and have determined that her assumptions are completely unfounded. I’m sorry, Holly of June Cleaver Nirvana, I just don’t see your point. But, know that I dissected the topic to the Nth degree and edited this post 100 times before reaching my conclusion that you must be wrong. I don’t take life overly serious.

9. Don’t Slip Up– A probably controversial discussion among some groups of people concerning the traditions of wearing or not wearing jewelry.

AND….. Number TEN….. Bah-humbug!– A compilation of my thoughts regarding Valentine’s Day this year.

A big “thank you” goes out to my vast crowd of (non) readers and the (non) award committee for their (not) selecting me and bestowing this great (non) honor upon me! Thank You! And to encourage my fellow writers and citizens, you too can have this (non) accomplishment if you choose to (never) risk …. anything at all.

Remember, “The woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best.” Now don’t just stand there- DO SOMETHING!

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14 Comments

  1. This was FANTASTIC and well worth the wait! Totally enjoyable, and frankly, if I were on the board of highly esteemed Freshly Pressed judges, this would show up Monday morning among the best of the best! Every topic seems worthy of exploration… I’d like to hear more (except on the topic you don’t want to expound on…) The non-date sounds interesting… Well done!

    Reply
  2. Dad

     /  February 19, 2012

    I love it!! I really feel like I missed something special in your not having written some of these!

    Reply
  3. BTW, I’ve just been on WordPress about 6 months, but I’ve never seen a Christian blog featured in Freshly Pressed, have you?

    Reply
    • Nver have. Every time I mention God, I’m certain I wont get Pressed. But that’s OK. I’ll talk about Him anyway. He will take care of the readership if that’s what He wants. There was a supberb post a week or two ago, In a Minute, that referenced to a higher pwer, but did not say God.

      Reply
  4. So relate! Been sort of quiet lately myself. Made me smile.

    Reply
  5. I more than smiled. I laughed out loud. So, it was definitely worth the wait. Thanks for sharing the ideas you (didn’t) have! Please don’t hesitate to push that publish button. That’s what it’s there for!

    Reply
    • Thanks Teresa. Somebody announced to a group that I wrote a devotional blog. I totally froze up. “Oh my goodness! A devotional blog! What if what I say isn’t worthy?!” Scared me to silence for a while. Thus the need for the Field of Daisies in my life.

      Reply
  6. My argument rests on #8. {love ya}

    Reply
    • OK, maybe I shouldn’t have put the part in there about dissecting it to the Nth degree. I should have thought further about the implications that would have regarding your claims. Next time I’ll consider that. But maybe that would appear to be obsessive compulsive thinking. I don’t want to come across that way. Hmmm, maybe I’ll run it by three friends before posting a response. No, that would be indecisive. IDK, but I’m certian Holly is wrong. I don’t think too much. 😉

      Reply
  7. The first blog award that I am happy to officially recognise. Great achievement.

    Reply

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